The Truth About Mommyhood

New Blog Location

2009-08-14T19:38:00.000-07:00

I've moved my blog to my own domain. Please continue to follow me at:

http://www.redefiningmommyhood.com/

I will no longer be updating the blog from this location.

Thank you:)

Making Friends

2009-08-14T10:21:00.000-07:00

Luke and I joined a local moms club about 6 months ago. We've met some great moms and kids so far. Becoming friends with moms with "normal" kids can be challenging though.

We became good friends with one mom and her child when we first joined. We would get together one on one for playdates outside of the group and even talked about getting our husbands together one weekend. It seemed like after time went on and her child's gross motor skills progressed on schedule, but Luke's did not, we quit hearing from her. I've tried to get together with them a few times lately, but it never seems to happen. I'm a paranoid person sometimes, so of course now I'm wondering "did I do something to make her not like me, or is it because Luke can't keep up with her child?"

It's just sad to think that someone would be that shallow. All children deserve the chance to interact with other children their age, even if they aren't on the same developmental level. If her child didn't seem to be on the same cognitive level as Luke, I wouldn't use that as a reason not to let them play together!

No mom wants to admit that their child has "special needs", but hypotonia and gross motor delays do present their own set of special issues. Making friends is just one example.

Random Rant: Lawn "service"?

2009-08-13T10:29:00.000-07:00

My hubby doesn't have a whole lot of free time to do the yard work and on top of it, he just plain doesn't want to do it. I decided it was worth it to hire someone, especially during the hot months. The first guy did a great job, but I could never get him to show up. Two, sometimes three weeks would go by and he wouldn't call me back. Our yard looked like one of the many foreclosures in the area. It was just unacceptable to me!
We are now on lawn guy #2. You take the good with the bad sometimes. We are on a schedule so he actually shows up, but for whatever reason, he has decided not to do the trimming around the inside of the fence or along the side of the house around the air conditioner.
I give up!!! I think the only way I'll get it done right is to do it myself. Now I just have to figure out how Luke can help me.

Back in The Gym

2009-08-13T10:24:00.000-07:00

I re-joined a gym a few weeks ago to try and get back in shape. They have a nice nursery where you can leave your precious little ones for up to two hours. Luke and I tried this last summer, but it didn't turn out so well.
He was doing better this time around up until last week. He had a major meltdown to the point where he was gagging and almost threw up. One of the girls had to come pry me away from the elliptical machine 12 minutes into my workout and we ended up leaving.
Today was a little better, although the separation anxiety has returned with a vengeance. I can't leave him in his playroom at home alone for 15 minutes so I don't know why I thought leaving him with strangers was going to be any better.
He survived (so did I, I only checked on him once through the one-way window!) and I got a good 45 minutes in today.
I think consistency is the key to success with anything, so we are going to give it another try tomorrow.

What is Supermom's Secret?

2009-08-12T19:07:00.001-07:00

Everyone has heard the term "Supermom". I am not one of those. What is the secret to getting everything done and being a good parent? Maybe they really don't exist, like unicorns.

I spend all day with my son trying to make sure he is getting enough playtime, social interaction, educational activities, exercise (this includes his physical therapy), affection, the list goes on and on. I can't seem to get anything else done during the day so by the time he goes to bed, I have about 3 hours of "chores" that need to be done. It also doesn't help that he has separation anxiety issues, so if I leave him in his playroom for 15 minutes to clean up the kitchen, a meltdown occurs.

Maybe I'm just a perfectionist. Being a good parent is more important than being a good housekeeper anyway right? Someday I will find a balance. Until then, I need to get some sleep.

It Gets Easier

2009-08-12T10:56:00.000-07:00

Yet another mommy myth. I love how every mom you meet always says things to you like "oh, it gets easier." Well, that one thing you are currently struggling with may get easier, but it's replaced by another struggle, sometimes two or more.

Why do mothers not want to share the truth? Do we forget once we are past that part of mommyhood, or do we not want to scare mommies?

I'm here to hopefully be truthful to any mommy who is brave enough to listen.

Things I Can No Longer Do By Myself

2009-08-12T10:53:00.001-07:00

Here is another mommyhood fact. There are certain things you are no longer able to do by yourself. Here is a partial list:

-Go to the bathroom
-Take a shower, do hair etc..
-Eat a meal
-Load the dishwasher
-Exercise (which explains the sweaty morning walks)
-Housework (this could come in handy later when he can help)
-Grocery shopping

Is It Winter Yet?

2009-08-12T10:45:00.000-07:00

I'm sure most people in the US would never ask that question, but it's a different story if you live in Florida and you are not originally from here.

Luke and I have been going for walks in the morning to a nearby park, but it's unbearably hot by 9am. I'm drenched in sweat by the time we get back. Luckily for Luke, he gets to sit back in his jogger stroller and stay out of the sun. He still gets a little sticky though. I'm sure I'm burning lots of calories!!

Florida has horrible heat and humidity, but at least we have pretty birds too:)

2009-08-11T18:26:00.000-07:00

Luke loves gadgets. His latest is the digital camera. This is his self portrait.

I Have Become My Own Worst Enemy!

2009-08-11T18:17:00.000-07:00

Before having a baby, I was very independent and self-sufficient. I was in the military for 4 years, then worked full-time for many years in telecommunications as an engineer. I also went back to school full-time to finish my Bachelors while I was working.
We moved to our current city about 3 years ago, where I wasn't able to find a full-time position. I worked part-time doing marketing and advertising up until I had my son.

I am now my own worst enemy. Yep, you guessed it, a stay-at-home mom!! In our previous neighborhood, I was in the minority. I worked full-time and had no kids. Every other woman in the neighborhood was married w/ kids and a lot of them were SAHMs. I remember thinking "ugh, must be nice to stay at home all day." Obviously I hated my job and I was bitter. I am getting paid back for those thoughts now.

Being a stay-at-home mom is the toughest job I've ever had, but it is also the most rewarding.

Plentiful Advice and Opinions

2009-08-11T12:03:00.001-07:00

One thing no one really tells you about before becoming a mom is all of the advice and opinions you hear once you have your precious bundle of joy.

Sometimes people actually offer construction criticism, I mean advice. Other times, it makes me wonder if they are really just trying to push my buttons and be intentionally mean or judgmental.

With our situation, I've heard almost more than I can stand to hear. I've heard such ridiculous things like "oh, he doesn't walk because you hold him too much and you don't make him do anything." Another great one: "all you do is hold him and nurse him." Um, hello?!?! He's a baby, that's what they do.

For awhile, I would second-guess myself. After all, these opinions came from seasoned parents, so they should know right?? NO!!! Every mother and child is different and I've learned over time to trust my instincts and know that I'm the best mommy I can be (on most days anyway). I do still place some blame on myself though for not picking up on the cues sooner or getting him into therapy earlier. There is nothing I can do about that now. We have to live in moment and know that things will be ok.

Constipation and blowouts

2009-08-11T09:56:00.000-07:00

Ok, here is one of the not-so-fun parts of mommyhood. Constipation and blowouts! Luke is chronically constipated because of the hypotonia. His hypotonia is mainly in his trunk and legs so constipation is a side effect.
He has been to a gastroenterologist and is on Miralax daily to try and combat the problem, but dosing is always a guessing game. He still gets constipated, so we up the dosage, then two days later......boom!!! A huge blowout!
The doctor seemed to think that he may also be withholding since his early bouts of constipation (pre-Miralax) were so traumatic.
I'm so excited to start potty training. Can you sense my sarcasm?

Hypotonia Definition

2009-08-11T09:43:00.000-07:00

For those who have no idea what I'm blabbing on about:

Alternative Names

Decreased muscle tone; Floppy infant

Definition

Hypotonia is decreased muscle tone.

Considerations

Hypotonia is often a sign of a worrisome problem. It may be a sign of a central nervous system problem, genetic disorder, or muscle disorder.

It can affect children or adults.

Infants with hypotonia seem floppy and feel like a "rag doll" does when held. They rest with their elbows and knees loosely extended, while infants with normal tone tend to have flexed elbows and knees. Head control may be poor or absent, with the head falling to the side, backward, or forward.

Infants with normal tone can be lifted with the parent's hands placed under the armpits, while hypotonic infants tend to slip between the hands as the infant's arms rise unresistingly upward.

Source: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003298.htm

What to Expect??

2009-08-11T09:24:00.000-07:00

Every mom I know has read the What to Expect books, including myself. The pregnancy one was ok, although it did make me paranoid and worry about every little thing going wrong.
The first year and toddler versions did nothing but make me worry, get angry & sad, and think I'm a horrible mother, or that my child is not "normal". There is that dreaded word again! Any parent of a special needs child or a child with hypotonia should seriously burn these books!

I stopped reading the toddler version when my son was about 15 months old. That is around the time his pediatrician referred us to the neurologist and we self-referred to Early Intervention. Some of the behavioral issues still apply, but it's not worth it for me to skim the book to find what I need because my eyes always drift to the "your child should be able to.." sections, then I'm upset all over again.

Maybe I should write a book for parents with kids with hypotonia??

2009-08-10T20:44:00.000-07:00

Hypotonia

2009-08-10T20:31:00.001-07:00

One of the main reasons I wanted to start this blog is to share my experience with my son's hypotonia, also known as low muscle tone.

He is a normal boy in every way except that he is 20 months old and is not yet walking. He can stand along tables etc when he wants to get at something. He just starting getting into a sitting position on his own in June (from laying down), and he just started to crawl about 2 weeks ago. His primary form of transportation since December has been "butt scooting."

Luke has been in physical therapy through early intervention since May of this year. He has progressed quite well. His therapist is happy that he met her 6 month goals in only 3 months!

He has also been through various tests to rule out causes for the hypotonia. He has had an MRI done of the brain and lower spine, both were normal. He also had extensive bloodwork done to rule out metabolic disorders and genetic conditions. The only thing that showed up was a vitamin B12 deficiency, which may or may not cause hypotonia. He is taking a B12 supplement just in case. A trip to the orthopedic surgeon also ruled out anything wrong w/ his legs or hips. They did a hip xray to be certain.

I guess our only "diagnosis" from a doctor is hypotonia which really isn't a diagnosis at all. My diagnosis is a subborn boy who will do things in his own time, no matter how frustrating it is for all involved:)

Phew!!! Ok, now that I've filled everyone one in on Luke's medical background, it's time to move on. He is still a normal (whatever that really means) toddler with the same issues etc. as others.

Welcome!

2009-08-10T19:58:00.000-07:00

My name is Tilly and this is my first attempt at blogging. I am a 33 year old stay at home mom (SAHM) to a wonderful 20 month old son named Luke.
I've created this blog to share the truth about mommyhood.